Mountah Ash's Musings

The musings of a chronically ill girl named after a tree.

(Comments are virtual hugs. Please leave me some.)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A post with a lot more emotion then its title.

                                        A lot has been lost lately.

 I lost my dear Matante Rebecca

I am losing friends...because I have realized, a little too late that they are not the people I thought they were.

I am losing faith in myself because I dont know if I can ever overcome my Lyme disease.

I am losing trust in those around me, because I dont know WHO to trust anymore.

              But I have also learned, and gained. 

I have learned I have more people who love me than I thought.
   Dear family members who gathered round after my Aunts death, and people I had not really counted as friends and then they reached out with so much love for me and my family after my Aunt died, that I will never again forget them.

I have gained a wonderful boyfriend who is keeping me sane through everything I am going through.

I have learned,stupidly forgotten, and learned again that, I can pray my way out of anything, because God is always there.

I have gained an understanding of  more simple beauties of life, and learned to pay attention to little things. Never did I so much appreciate the coming of winter, and the lull from the insanity of summer. The simple beauty of someone who will just hold your hand, or listen to you while you rant about your fears..  Even the silliness of some things that used to annoy me...Jenna making snarky comments, or one of my chickens who is clumsy and falls into my feet.

People say when one door opens, another closes. And you know what? Its true. If you stop whining about the door that closed for just a moment, you will notice the windows all around you that are letting in a beautiful breath of fresh air. 

 Its terrifying how much I forget that God is always there....I KNOW if i stopped forgetting that, then life would be a lot easier for me to get through.  And maybe if I noticed more of the beauties of the wonderful world he created, I could find joy in things easier and much more quickly.

So here I am.  Attempting to make a change.

I will stop and smell the roses....and any other flower that catches my eye.
I will stop complaining about the door that closed, and wait for another to open.
I will be kind, and loving, ESPECIALLY when it is hard to.
I will think of others before myself, and then put them first.
I will stop being so full of pride, and notice the accomplishments of others.

I try to always compliment people on random things, like their t-shirt, or way they styled their hair. And I try NEVER to give a false complement.  

I  try smile at everyone. You never know who will cherish that smile from a stranger.

 So there you have it. I know this was long, but it was eating away at me, and needed to be said. I was in tears before I started writing this, and now I feel a lot better. So thank you to those who took time to read this, if I know you or not. Just remember, you are loved. By a lot more people than you think. And dont forget to take in the simple beauties of will make you a lot happier in the long run.


  1. Comment hugs! Love you, Rowan. :)

  2. beautifully stated. When you stop to smell the roses, look for bees, They are interesting to watch as they work and will move out of the way in short order for you to sniff the flowery perfume. And you'll see more beauty in the bee without getting a bee up your nose.
    --Becky's friend Nicky.

  3. Beautiful Rowan. I, too, need to remember ALL you have written. Thanks for the gentle reminder. God certainly works in ways we often forget. In this instance, he has worked through the the virtual world that, quite often, can be hurtful and depressing. Thank you again beautiful young woman of God. I love ya dearly !!!!

  4. "You never know who will cherish that smile from a stranger" -- so true. Also true of the words we put out into the world. Thanks so much for sharing your heart here, through these words, Rowan. They have lifted me up today.

  5. Going through something like this is insane. But I'm glad that you have such a great perspective on it. I know nothing I can say will really fix it, but know that when you come out of something like this, you come away stronger. I am continually amazed at how well you are dealing with all this crap. Please know that I will keep you in prayer and do anything I can to help. *Hug*



Yay! Virtual hug!!
(Unless its hate or something. In which case, virtual slap.)