Mountah Ash's Musings

The musings of a chronically ill girl named after a tree.

(Comments are virtual hugs. Please leave me some.)

Friday, November 29, 2013

Belated Thankfulness

Here I am. It is almost 2am. And I realized I did not even once think about what I am thankful for all day.
(Apologies for bad writing. Words dont form well in my head lately. I need to go back on Lyme medication)

    Lately I have been so sick that it is hard for me to remember what I am thankful for. All the good in life is sometimes hidden by pain. I guess I will just have to work harder to see through it to the good.

I am thankful that all of the pain I have gone through (and am in_ has made me more perceptive to others needs and emotions.

I am thankful "Once [I] feel the wait of glory, all [my] pain will fade to memory"

I am thankful that even though my family knows they cannot understand my dealings with Lyme disease, they still try.

I am thankful that I have a boyfriend who can stand helping me through this.

I am thankful for friends who understand when I have to cancel things because of my health.

I am thankful for my bunny rabbit Charlie, who helps me avoid my depression.

I am thankful that, even though almost every day at my work is painful and hard to get through, it is worth it. My coworkers are awesome, and it is good for me(hopefully) to be out of the house.

I am thankful for tea, and its helpfulness for both headaches and mood.

I am thankful that some people don't freak out over my sickness issues and help me laugh my way through it (Like when I was convulsing badly and when I said it happens occasionally, please don't make it a big deal and my boyfriend just pretended that I was dancing badly and started dancing badly too)

But mostly I am thankful for a God that I can rely on. Who I know will give me strength to push through if I ask it of him. Who fills me with hope and mercy at every turn, if only I open my heart to him.
 I am thankful that even when I am at my most sulky, hate every one, sarcastic moods and I do not want to ask God to help me alter my mood, I do anyway. And then all the hate and venom in my thoughts go away and allow me to be kind and helpful to others.
Even when I literally do not have the words to ask God for help, when I cant figure out how to put words into a sentence, that He knows my heart, and though he does not heal me, he gives me the strength to forge on. 

Before The Morning---Josh Wilson (Song. LISTEN!!)